BiggAndyy

Windows 7 (and Vista and even Xbox) will encounter this error, and there are numerous fixes in the cloud to remedy this problem.  I’ll quickly list my attempts failures, and then describe what I did that finally did succeed.

I tried editing the Firewall to allow all the Microsoft sites access.  No help.

Updating the Network Card device driver.  Nothing.

Reinstalling several .dll files mentioned at some sites.  Did not work.

Edited the registry to change the MTU (maximum transmission unit).  Zilch.

Swearing loudly.  I felt better but the machine ignored me.  Zip.

Re-performed all those things logged in as the local administrator.  Up until now I did it as the local user and just upped the privileges when asked by 7.  Lots of time but no effect.

Finally I started to think outside the box/cubicle.  I remembered one of the .dll files was java-something-something.dll.  I began to wonder… did this machine have updated Java?  No, it did not.

I updated Java (to 6r30) over the web, rebooted, and heeeeeeey!!!!  That worked!

Once again, the simplest solution was the correct one, and once again, it was one of the Big 3 Things (Windows Updates, Java, and Antivirus).  So, long story short, if the propeller heads start directing you to edit this registry entry and modify that policy object STOP.  Try the simple things first!  It will only take a small amount of time and many times WILL solve the problem.

The blacK Screen Of Death.  Well, the black screen of waiting to see if it eventually boots.

It won’t.

And I tried ALL the poindexter solutions on the web.  Hitting the left shift key about a bazillion times.  Using BART-PE and renaming the event log folder.  Spinrite’d the entire hard drive.  Let Vista try to autofix the problem.

None of them worked.  Except one.

Let Vista go back and restore from a backup that at one time worked (assuming you are allowing Vista to do that).

That is the only reliable fix I have found for Vista’s KSOD.  YMMV.

Are you administrator for a few OUs in an organization but don’t have AD Forest or Tree privileges?

Maybe you have AD privileges but only need to lock down one or two trouble machines in high traffic areas during the weekends.

My problem was this; there is a Windows box that is being accessed on the weekends and the department chairman wants to have locked down.  Ok, easy.  In Windows 98 I remember there being nice grids available to select when a machine can be accessed and when it is unavailable.

Oops, wait, too bad, 2XV7 (2000-XP-Vista-7) doesn’t do that.  But rather than go through all the profiles and Event Viewer Security logs of a high traffic public box I decided it was easier to go the route of “Voo Doo” System Administration  and just make it work (or in this case, NOT work).’

So, how do you restrict users from logging in on weekends without setting up BIOS passwords that EVERYONE needs to memorize or petitioning the bureaucracy to get an AD change made for one or two machines?

Answer: Google didn’t have it, at least not easily.  And forget asking the propeller-head tech forums!  I spent two days justifying my request by answering all manner of needless questions like “isn’t that the job of the sysadmin?”  And after navigating their gauntlet of the absurd the self dubbed “guardians of the guts” proclaimed my request beneath their lofty intellect to even address.

The desired result: No Weekend Access.

The solution: have Windows check the day and if it is a Saturday or Sunday, disallow user logins.

The how to do it: Time to break out the BATCH!  It is actually quite a simple implementation.  A small BATCH script is run at the USER login.  If the login is on a weekend day logout the user immediately.

The code to do it:

@ECHO OFF
CLS
IF “%username%”==”<username>” GOTO :BYPASS
SET DAY=%date:~0,3%
IF /I [%DAY%] == [Sat] GOTO :LOGOFF
IF /I [%DAY%] == [Sun] GOTO :LOGOFF
:END
ECHO NOT Logging off.
EXIT /b
:LOGOFF
ECHO Logons are not permitted on the weekends for this terminal.  Shutting down the system.
SHUTDOWN -s -f -t 00 -c “Weekend access attempted”
EXIT /b
:BYPASS
ECHO Resuming Logon
EXIT /b

The script is very straightforward.  The day is extracted from the DATE command and if Saturday or Sunday a shutdown command is executed and a comment made in the Security Log.  One important addition, the BYPASS.  Make sure there is a user granted an exception to this rule, otherwise if the box needs to be accessed it is easier to be able to login with your account than go through the backdoor with a SAFE MODE login to disable the script.

After you make the script (I called it WEEKEND.BAT and saved it here: C:\WINDOWS\System32\GroupPolicy\User\Scripts\Logon\weekend.bat)) then use GPEDIT.MSC and add it to the USER LOGON script.

There you have it, some Guerrilla AND Voo Doo administration all in one!  Good luck.